So you’re ready to settle down on the couch in front of a good movie. Wait, there’s still work to be done: Turn off the lights, make popcorn, maybe even mix some drinks in the blender. No, don’t get up—just use a home-built receiver box that lets you turn any household appliance on and off with your TV remote. For example, plug a lamp into an outlet on the box (we’ve dubbed it the Zapper), program one of the remote’s little-used buttons to control it, and the next time you want to watch Halloween VI, you’ll barely have to lift a finger to set the mood.

For 18 years you fought a nightly crusade for control of the television. Like a samurai with his sword, your father protected his remote during dinner, while seated on his porcelain pedestal and while snoring loud enough to wake the dead. An air horn wouldn't rouse him, but a mere footstep towards the volume setting was perceived as a sign of aggression. Yep, Dad's a pretty special guy. Yet you, like so many other sons across this great land, forgot about Father’s Day. And forgiveness comes at a cost. So what better sign of devotion than to purchase your pop that which you so brilliantly battled for throughout your childhood—a remote.

Not just any remote, mind you. No, your father deserves more: the ultimate remote branded with four letters that mean so much to men and their television rituals: E – S – P – N. Yes, for a mere $299 you can purchase you father the ESPN Ultimate Remote (currently only available on Amazon.com).